i am all that!?

So we sat in a circle of
complete strangers.
All of us.
Maggie Mae had us meet everyones eyes for at least two minutes a person. laughter, there was alot of that, nothing was funny though, nobody made any jokes no one farted i assure you NOTHING was funny. Instantly, "oops i see her eyes", look away quickly before she notices. Hard to breath, hard to stare through someones windows hard to ask questions with our eyeballs. Day after day went by the game went on and day by day it became easier and easier to present our selves willingly, to stare back into someone elses windows as they peered into yours revealing all your dirty laundry. it was like you were washing the cloths together since you both had excepted the fact that there were many flaws stinking them up. Then came wonder precieve and observe. So many people had questions for fiona so many people had there own answers for fiona and so many people had observations for fiona.
1: She has alot in her head.
2: you can see the gears turn on her face
3: She will change the world someday
4: You wish you could figure her out
5: Shes like some unknown species, some exotic creature
6: That can never be loved just admired from afar?
thanks boys and girls. i know you mean well i know you're being open and honest but today children its just not going to cutt it for me.
joe: "fiona, you make me feel joyus and curious and hopeful"
fiona: "joe, you dont make me feel anything at all, im sorry"
these kids who had all the things in the world to say about me deserve so much more than what i was feeling towards them so much more passion from me.
And they did not deserve the fact that as i was hearing these observations all i could think in my head was a form of patronization.
"i am interesting? oh really? only because im not like you? is that what it is? do you really think you see the thing thats ticking inside of me, do you really think you know how many bugs i have just not the names, Something that you cant quite put your finger on right? am i well of course i am."
moral of the story?

--Being the inspiration is most definatly not as fulfilling as finding it.
and in the end all i had were tears for these children whom i owe my life too.