pitter

Today i wanted to go to the park by my self in the rain.
my mom couldnt understand why and took the bus money away.
i wanted to be there in the cold, wet and nippy. Sometimes i want to be places so badly i dont want to move if i cant be there or want to do something so badly i'm not able to make my hands work if i cant do it. Is that like a silent temper tantrum? is that what shutting down is. i think so. i really do think so.